Today marks 20 weeks into my second pregnancy!!! Its incredible to think that we are at the halfway point to meeting this new little person. Everything about this pregnancy has been fundamentally different to when I was pregnant with Madeleine, and for the good part of the last two months, I've been playing catch up. But now, at 20 weeks pregnant, I feel like I've caught up, and finally feel not only just pregnant, but I do feel 20 weeks pregnant.
I have been a mixed bag of emotions for the past 6 months, and to be completely honest, I am still getting my head around the fact that a wee little baby will be joining our little family in just a few months time. We had a fairly difficult path to pregnancy this time around, and the first trimester was the most exhaustingly stressful time of our lives. We hopped on a plane to Australia when I was 13 weeks and we made a decision that the flight was going to be therapeutic rather than just long and tiresome!!
We decided that when we hopped on that plane, we would leave behind all the stress and upset that had been our first trimester. We felt incredibly blessed to have progressed to the second trimester but rather than continue to live in a constant state of fear, we had to let it all go and embrace this pregnancy and the tiny little baby who was thriving against the odds. So we did. We landed in Australia and finally shared the news with our families and friends, feeling finally able to be excited and optimistic. Despite the rapid weight gain from 13 weeks onwards, I felt as light as a feather.
It has been such a long time since I was pregnant, and I seem to have forgotten, well, everything. But the moment I felt the very first flutter from within, a familiar feeling of all-consuming love washed over me. I suddenly felt a sense of calm that I could do it all again, and in that moment I felt my heart begin to grow again.
I had my 20 week scan this week but my husband was on a plane to Australia at the time, and so there is now an envelope sitting on our fridge, which contains the information of whether Maddie is going to have a little brother or little sister. I am chomping at the bit to find out, but am resisting the urge to peek so that we can share in the experience together. We've got something a little fun planned for us both to find out the gender, which I will be sure to share too!!
But for now, we just need Daddy home...