Mother's Day may have its own aisle in Hallmark stores. It may have a need for extra staff to deliver extra flowers in a florist. But for me, it is an entire day to smother my kids in kisses and a day to reflect on how gosh darn lucky I am. It is also a day in which I can (and must) be proud of myself for an entire day. To appreciate the good days and hard days, but to be proud of the Mother I am becoming, and the woman I hope to inspire Maddie to be one day.
I didn't grow up with an abundance of self confidence. I didn't realise the importance of believing in myself until I was handed my daughter in the delivery room. She was fragile and hungry and depended on me. And instantly I knew I could be everything she needed me to be. Becoming a mother has helped me find confidence in myself that I never knew I had.
I faltered a little in the early days with Lachlan, I was doubting myself and what he needed. That was until day 4. I had to be separated from my four day old baby for several hours of testing and I was emotional and felt guilty and every minute that I was away from him was torture. As I was brought back upstairs and the lift opened to the maternity ward I could hear screaming, and knew that that was MY baby screaming. Knowing that I couldn't feed him made me doubt that I could be what he needed. But as I arrived in my room, Pete saw the look on my face and handed my hysterical boy to me. I pulled him in close and whispered in his ear and instantly he stopped crying. Instantly. He didn't need milk. He just needed his mama. And I needed him. I held him and didn't let go for four straight hours. He nuzzled in and fell asleep and that's how we stayed until we got the all clear for discharge and made our way home. From that moment on I re-found my confidence as a Mother and therefore my confidence in life.
I love that Mother's Day is a day that I can celebrate with my friends. I am lucky enough to be surrounded by a global "village" of mothers raising our children together. I am so proud of my mama friends. We are all doing it our own ways but supporting each other through the rough days (mostly nights) and celebrating each other's joy and successes. I have some incredible mama-role-models dotted around the world and I so admire the mothers they are becoming and the women that is making them be. They are all strong and confident women. Their children are so lucky, and Maddie is so lucky to have them in her life to inspire her as well.
Today has been a good day. Not without its tears and negotiations, but a purely good day. I got to get both my daughter and son out of bed and soak in their sleepy morning snuggles. I got to share laughs and "secrets" with Maddie after school. I got to make Lachlan laugh with ticklish joy and get completely drenched as he splashed all the water out of his bath. And I got to kiss them both and tell them that I love them before they closed their eyes for the day. If this can be my Mother's Day forever I'll be the luckiest Mama in the world.